God

married

When I look back to my days over a year ago I see a totally different life. I was pouring myself into youth and yearning to have God change my life in amazing ways. These days I find myself plugging away at work and occasionally giving a hand at church. I wonder, have I lost site of what’s most important? Have my own desires of a wife caused me to forget what God has really called us all here to do? Tonight at our Family Life Ministries gathering we were challenged spiritually so that we could be the leaders God had called us to be. I was even honored for my service at Daybreak. I felt like there were so many others more worth to be honored than me. So many others there were pouring there lives into other people, all I was doing playing with a sound board.

I think a lot of my struggle is seeing this new chapter coming in my life and I have no idea what I’m doing. In my heart I want nothing more than to serve God and give Him all that I have. As I begin my new life with Vanessa I have a hard time seeing how that will take shape. I want to be the kind of Godly husband that I’m called to be. I want to take care of Vanessa and be the kind of spiritual leader she deserves. I know that once I come before God with Vanessa and make the life commitment to her that I am called to put her first in my life only next to God. I am to love her as Christ loves the church. All other relationships in my life will second to my wife. I think what I have a hard time with is that I’ve only ever had to worry about myself, and I didn’t worry too much about that, and I would always put myself aside for others. I now see that I must work at not letting my desire to serve others come before serving my wife. This is a big change for me, and I ask God to work in me to live that way.

I think that I have, however, been challenged to return to the Life Shapes. I really desire to keep the balance in my life. I think of the triangle “Up-In-Out” and keeping the relationship I have with God, fellow believers, and the rest of the world in balance and not letting any of those suffer. I want to be actively recognizing the kairos moments in my life and learning from them. I see a great challenge before me, one that I must rely on God for, that is the next chapter in my life. I see myself on a great adventure and I can’t help but me amazed, and terrified, overwhelmed, yet at peace, and all because I know that at the center of it all is God’s hand.

Well, of course, once again this “short” post turned into an hour long session. This sounds a little bit like old times. This week is going to continue to be crazy, but perhaps I still might have a chance to post some more. Things seem to be coming together well before the big day on March 24th. There are so many out there that I wish could have joined me for this very special day, but I know that you all are supporting us in so many ways. You can be sure that I’ll be looking to post photos and notes from the events to come. I can’t wait to heard those words Mr. and Mrs. Nolte, and they won’t be about my parents! I can’t wait to spend an amazing week enjoy God’s creation and time alone with my wife (and love of my life)! Alright, I better quite so I can get to bed. I’ve rambled on enough this even. I close this with two requests. I’d like to ask for your continued prayers for Vanessa and I as we begin our new life together. We know that our marriage can’t be what it’s suppose to be with God at it’s center. The second thing I’d like prayer for is for me. Pray that I might continue to have eyes to see God’s calling and challenges for my life, and that I have the faith to follow Him in each of those things. Ok…signing off.

It just came to mind that I’ve experienced a kairos moment. So in light of the learning circle it would seem I have done a bit of observation, reflection, & discussion on this moment. In order to complete the circle and get the full benefit of the Lord’s teaching I need to now make a plan, find someone to hold me accountable to it, and act on it. Some of this has already played out in getting my out of the mess that I got myself in. However, the other way to step through these, and actually learn something, it to put into motion the things to keep this from happening again.

So it has become obvious that I am a poor judge of time and what I can handle. I would say that I am going to have to limit things to a one-at-a-time basis. No more taking on additional things if I have something already uncompleted. Additionally, I think it will be best that if I’m asked if I could just do it later, “there’s no rush”, I’ll really need to tell them to just ask me again at a later time.

The accountability part of this I think will need to come from my close friends. Perhaps they would be willing to check in with me every now-and-then, and see how I’m handling stuff. Also, perhaps it would be good too, if someone asks me to do something, to tell them I’ll have to get back to them on whether I can. This would give me the opportunity to look at my schedule and even talk with someone and get their opinion on how much time a project might take.

So, I think the actions I need to take are to have some conversation with my close friends about what has been going on and ask for their help in keeping me accountable to not taking on too much. I also need to have my “door closed” on anything new for the next couple of weeks. Then be certain I’m taking one thing at a time.

Well, this has kind of been and odd post, not a lot about what happened today. There wasn’t too much exciting that went on. Working on the sound mixing tonight was great. I did get a call at almost 9pm, as some camp friends were visiting family right across the street, but I knew that I really need to be sure to get to bed at a decent time. I got a chance to read more of the book I’m currently reading “When God Writes Your Love Story”, so far it’s been very good. If it hadn’t been the fact that I really wanted to get a blog post in I probably still be reading it.

Well, I’m off to bed for now. One final note that I think I’m going to begin to mention. In February I have a weekend set to meet with someone I’ve been in contact with through eHarmony. Yes, this may come as a surprise to most of you, as I haven’t breathed a word about it. I think I’ve finally gotten to a point of comfort about it, that I’m willing to begin at least not hiding it from people. Well, more on that later. Night!

The other small relation to the title is the fact that it’s been so long since my last blog post. I’ve probably lost my audience, as little as it is/was but that is fine. My blog was never intended to my pouring out to others, even though it’s maybe become that. For me if just feels good to be writing and really thinking about what’s going on in my life. This is something this is apart of the Learning Circle, you know the Life Shapes, and I’ve come to find how much truth and life there is in those shapes. Well, I’ve cut into my work time a bit so off I go.