Daily Thoughts

I haven’t posted in awhile, something I must work on as usual. Seems like these days I’m so terrible with keeping in touch with people. This isn’t the way I’ve wanted it to be. I seem to constantly struggle between holding on to the life I once led and pushing forward with the new life God has given me. As this new year has begun I’ve had some opportunities to reflect on my life, and how God has changed it in a huge way. A little over a year ago I would have never guessed that within the next year God would bring an amazing woman into my life and lead me to change almost my entire life.

God is so good, and faithful beyond anything we can imagine. I’m always reminded of how amazing God is. He never ceases to amaze me. Reading this morning about the God’s omniscience makes me so comforted to have my life in His hands. If I tried to do my life all on my own I’d be a wandering fool, but with God leading my life in so many ways it gives me great peace.
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I just can’t seem to understand why I’m so bad with keeping good relationships. Is it so hard to just pickup the phone? I can only figure that I’ve been so used to have so much time on my own that when I’m not with Vanessa I just feel like doing my own thing. At the same time and can’t wait for the next time to spend with Vanessa. I can’t wait for our trip to MN to see so many that I haven’t seen for so long. At times I feel like I’m constantly torn between the relationships that I’ve seem to have left behind and trying to start new relationships here. I’ve never been very good with the whole thing of keeping in touch with people through letters or phone calls. I always love the times I spend with people, and miss those times. The phone and mail just isn’t the same as spending real time with people. That was one of the big things that Vanessa and I had a hard time with in our relationship. I don’t think we could have ever grown so close as we are now without the real time together. I really wouldn’t give that up for anything.

I guess that perhaps I’m am finding that I need to start this new chapter in my life, and the pages are turning. It’s hard though as I feel like I’m still trying to keep those pages from turn by the tips of my fingers. I don’t want people to think that I don’t care about them any longer. My closest friend Chad is one person I never want to lose touch with. He and I have has about the same amount of contact over the years as we do now. He’s been in different places than I, and he’s been married for over a year now. I think I’ve been having a hard time because my entire world completely changed over in a matter of a few months. It’s not that I don’t like what has happened. I really enjoy my job, I have an amazing woman in my life (soon to be my wife ), I love the passion that I find at our church and my involvement there, and I’m getting to know more people all the time. My desire is to open to God’s leading no matter where it is. There may come a day when God asks Vanessa and I to move from this place and go, maybe to Africa, and it will be another page that will have to be turned. There are so many people that we meet over a life-time. I think of all the people I’ve work with in 10 years of serving at camp, and I barely even know where they all are. I don’t think that friendships die but they certainly take on different forms of closeness. I don’t know if that is right, but there is one small hope in the relationships I have with other Christians, I’ll have an eternity to spend with them praise our great God! I can’t wait for that day!